Bachelorette Parties and the History of Divorce in America
I swear I didn’t plan to bring a book about divorce to my friend’s bachelorette weekend. Sometimes library holds come through at inopportune times.
A place I didn’t have time to explore: Puerto Vallarta
The problem with getting married at 43 is that your friends don’t have it in them to parrrrrrrty!
When I got married (for the, ahem, first time), our little group of four TOOK ON Las Vegas. We had outfits, a portable cooler full of shots, and big plans which we carried out with drunken gusto.
Now, nearly twenty years later, my friend (the one in sunglasses above) is getting married.
And she has been dating the man for 10 years!!!
The bride-to-be loves Nashville, but none of us (bride included) had any desire to dress up in “Nashville Hoes” sparkly tops and cowboy books and bounce from bar to bar amidst all the twentysomethings who look much better in sparkly bachelorette crop tops.
So, THANK GOD, we didn’t do that. We went to an all-inclusive in Mexico instead.
It was a quickie: we flew from Seattle to Puerto Vallarta on Saturday morning and flew back home on Monday evening. The nice thing about all-inclusive resorts is that you don’t really need a long weekend. We had plenty of time to eat all the food, drink all the mimosas/mojitos/margaritas, and get in plenty of relaxing by the pool. My friend and I even did water aerobics with the old people while my remaining two friends sat at the pool bar and laughed at us. Good times.
We stayed at the Sheraton Buganvilias Resort. The hotel, restaurants, and pools were lovely, but the beach was a disappointment as it was closed due to an influx of sea urchins. The beach was also a rocky one, so this hotel is a no-go if you have kids excited to make sand castles and frolic in the surf.
My friend and I went running on Sunday morning, which let us see just enough of Puerta Vallarta to make us salivate for more. The cobblestone streets, goats, big leafy trees, and churches overlooking plazas make me want to come back when I have more time.
Should you care to read about someone who actually explored Puerta Vallarta (and has the tick bite to prove it!), check out Skylar’s newsletter:
A book to read: THE DIVORCE COLONY by April White
I initially put this book on hold mistakenly thinking that it was a historical fiction. Nope, nonfiction. But while I was reading it I kept forgetting I was reading nonfiction. If that’s not a compliment, I don’t know what is.
April White, you are an amazing author AND research master. Wide-brimmed-hats-trimmed-with-ostrich-feathers off to you!
THE DIVORCE COLONY is about a town Sioux Falls, South Dakota. During the 1890s, the new state had the nation’s most lax divorce laws along with a residency requirement of just three months. Therefore, divorce-desiring women who had the financial resources to pick up their lives and post up in South Dakota for a few months were able to do so. I feel bad for all the poor and middle class gals who couldn’t just jet off to South Dakota and therefore remained stuck in terrible marriages.
Because it was rich girls who got their Sioux Falls divorces, and also because rich girls tended to leave paper trails in society pages for historians to read, THE DIVORCE COLONY is filled with tales of such women. The author followed one wife who was married to a European Baron, and another who was married to the son of a presidential candidate. There are stories of Rhode Island mansions, parties filled with Astors, and lots of gossip that occurred in whispers under fancy hats.
My favorite part of this book (and much of history) is how similar divorcing girls in the 1890s were compared to us today. Women in the 1890s complained about the same things we gals complain about today: their husbands control their money, hurl “ungentlemanly epithets,” and don’t understand the anguish of miscarriages. Mother-in-laws are too controlling, and sometimes there is just a better guy waiting in the wings.
Most of all, women want FREEDOM. God, how we/they want freedom. My first husband was/is a wonderful man (and I love his mom!), but I still remember the sense of complete and exhilarating freedom that accompanied my divorce (But I also remember the crushing sadness and loneliness for a man that I’d madly loved. Love is so complicated).
Now I’m happily married again, to a man that understands my need to jet off to Mexican vacations with friends. Here is to all the husbands in the world who help carve out those moments of freedom.
A lesson to teach: Teaching?!? Who has time to teach when there are bachelorettes to celebrate? Not me!
My students were back in rainy Seattle with a substitute, watching All Quiet on the Western Front. Here are the video questions I gave them. The video questions were kindly supplied to me and you newsletter-readers by Brad, my friend and teacher-next-door.
I had a crappy set of questions for the video ready to go. But then, while I was down at the copy machine, I saw Brad’s viewing guide come through the printer. His questions are way better than mine. That’s the great thing about communal copiers - you can spy and steal from other teachers :)
Thanks Brad!
Happy teaching, traveling, reading, and partying! See ya next week! I promise I’ll have a proper lesson to share next week :)
Wow thanks for the recommendation! Love the photo throwback too haha
Sounds fun! Interesting book!
My daughter just had her bachelorette weekend. These days no moms allowed. My bachelorette weekend in 1991 was at my mom’s house in Palm Springs so of course my mom was there.