Whelp, see ya later

I hate goodbyes and I love leaving. Make it make sense

A lesson to teach: A thank you circle

I am so horrible with goodbyes. I avoid them at all costs.

I hate mundane goodbyes. I hate the awkwardness of being the first person to leave a gathering. I hate having to track down hosts and friends at parties to say goodbye. I’d rather slip out the door, unnoticed.

I hate bigger goodbyes. I don’t like hugging or crying in public. I don’t like drawn-out lingering scenes at airports, front porches, or car doors. My best friend, who lives several states away, shares my avoidant behavior. We drop each other off at airports with a lack of hugging and a quick “whelp, see you later.”

It’s the best.

I also suck at closing and endings. I’ve been 99% done with the 2nd draft of my novel for almost a year. Another 1000 words would finish the damn thing. It would take maybe an hour. But instead, I’ve been obsessively editing the 3rd draft instead of tackling that last scene.

Even in my classroom, I can’t figure it out. I don’t do exit tickets at the end of the period. I always forget to have students do the unit-ending surveys or reflections. When writing essays, my students’ conclusion paragraphs are usually pretty meh because I haven’t taught them how to do it well. How do you teach something that you can’t even do?

On the last day of school, I send my students off with nothing but a wave and a “see ya later.” I’ve really got to get better at all this.

Last summer went to Poland with a group of teachers with the Auschwitz Legacy Fellowship, a flagship program of Auschwitz-Birkenau Memorial Foundation, and the Holocaust Center for Humanity in Seattle. On our last day of the fellowship, we did something that I want to replicate in my classroom on our last day (which is in mid-June. I know so many people have already finished school! I should have published this two weeks ago). Here it is:

1. Pass out index cards. Tell each student to write a 2-3 sentence thank you message for a very specific thing to a specific person. However, do NOT put your name or their name on the message.

2. Collect all cards and shuffle them.

3. Have all students get into a circle (will this work with 30 high school students? Idk. I’m a little nervous for such a big circle).

4. Give each student a random card.

5. Go around the circle and have each student read their random card out loud.

6. Before step #5, tell each student: “As you listen to each thank-you card, pretend that it is written to you.”

   1. This might seem weird, because all cards are supposed to be written to specific people about a specific situation, but somehow it still works. It’s a total feel-good situation.

Also, we did this:

A place to visit: The Open Road of the American Southwest

I may hate goodbyes, but I LOVE leaving.

Pulling out of a driveway and hitting the road, with the music up and the wind in my hair, is the best feeling in the world - even if I’m driving away from people I love.

I love the feeling of walking out of a party in the summer night air, heels clicking the sidewalk as I head to my car, already awash in happy memories.

I love getting on an airplane and flying home after a fun weekend with friends.

The last day of school is one of the best days in the world. I love my job and my students, but that joy of finality and the promise of two months of quiet freedom is one of the best feelings in the world.

Is this weird? To love leaving and hate goodbyes? Is anyone with me here?

My biggest leaving-it-all-behind moment was in Las Vegas about 15 years ago, when I got a divorce, quit my job, and just drove around the USA in circles until I ran out of money. It should be noted that I didn’t have any kids yet.

I know the classic burn-it-all-down road trip starts with a car pointed West, but when you are from Seattle and leaving Las Vegas, heading East is the play.

Road tripping solo through northern Arizona and New Mexico was total bliss. I ran (and won!) the Standin’ On The Corner 10K in Winslow, Arizona.

I camped in the desert and watched a distant lightning storm and played with baby goats in Snowflake, AZ.

These and all photos were taken by me back in 2011. I got the camera in the divorce.

I went to Pie Festival in Pie Town, NM.

I watched sunsets and ran through canyons and listened to sad country music songs.

Eventually, I’d drive to Florida and then up the East Coast. By the time I got to Philadelphia, I missed teaching and started applying for jobs. Soon, I’d be arriving in Denver.

But I always associate Arizona and New Mexico with leaving. Such a nostalgic time.

Songs to blast

I know, I know. This is usually the “books to read” section. And there are tons of great books about goodbyes.

But when you are in your car, driving away from a marriage or a party or a job, it’s not the time for books. It’s the time for music. Here are my favorite goodbye songs:

Bye Bye by Jo Dee Messina

Boy, you sure look good there standin' in the doorway in the sunset light
Maybe I read you wrong thinkin' you could be my "Mr. Right"
I was puttin' my heart and soul on the line
Said you needed some time, just a little more time to make up your mind
Well, it's been long enough
Time is up

Bye-bye, love, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off…

Already Gone by Sugarland

The last time I saw him, we packed up my things
And he smiled like the first time he told me his name
And we cried with each other
We split the blame for the parts that we couldn’t change
Pictures, dishes and socks
It’s our whole life down to one box
There he was waving goodbye on the front porch alone

But I was already gone
I was already gone…

The Bolter by Taylor Swift

But it always ends up with a Town Car speeding
Out the drive one evening
Ended with the slam of a door
Then he'll call her a whore
Wish he wouldn't be sore
But as she was leaving
It felt like breathing

Happy teaching, traveling, and maybe even leaving! See y’all next Sunday.